Venom: The Last Dance (2024)

Venom: The Last Dance is the third installment in Sony’s symbiote saga, picking up where Let There Be Carnage left off. Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and his alien alter-ego Venom are on the run in Mexico, trying to make their way to New York. But their plans go awry when they’re caught in the crosshairs of Knull, the god of symbiotes, who’s hellbent on using Venom to break free from his cosmic prison.

Let’s cut to the chase—this movie’s a mess. It’s like watching a toddler try to juggle chainsaws while riding a unicycle. Sure, it’s entertaining in a car-crash kind of way, but you can’t help but wince at the disaster unfolding before your eyes.

The plot? It’s thinner than a symbiote’s tendril. One minute we’re in Mexico, the next we’re in Nevada, then New York. It’s as if the screenwriters threw darts at a map and decided, “Yeah, that’ll do.” The story lurches from one set piece to another with all the grace of a drunken elephant, leaving logic and coherence in its wake.

Tom Hardy, bless his heart, is trying his darndest to salvage this train wreck. His Eddie Brock is still a lovable loser, and his banter with Venom occasionally hits the mark. But even Hardy’s considerable talents can’t polish this turd. The rest of the cast fares no better, with talented actors like Chiwetel Ejiofor and Juno Temple wasted in thankless roles.

The action sequences are a CGI smorgasbord that’ll leave you feeling like you’ve been beaten over the head with a PlayStation controller. It’s all sound and fury, signifying nothing. The climactic battle is particularly egregious—a confusing mishmash of tentacles and explosions that’ll have you yearning for the sweet release of the credits.

And don’t get me started on the villain. Knull, the big bad teased in the previous films, is about as threatening as a wet paper bag. Andy Serkis, usually a master of motion capture, is reduced to growling menacingly from a swamp. It’s a criminal waste of both the character and the actor.

The film’s attempts at humour fall flatter than a pancake run over by a steamroller. Venom dancing to ABBA? It might’ve been funny the first time, but now it’s just sad. The jokes are so forced, you can practically hear the writers’ desperation seeping through the screen.

On the plus side (and I’m really stretching here), the movie looks decent enough. The symbiote effects are still cool, even if they’re overused to the point of exhaustion. And there’s a certain charm to the film’s utter disregard for logic or physics. It’s almost admirable how committed it is to being ridiculous.

But charm and cool effects do not a good movie make. Venom: The Last Dance is a hot mess of a film that manages to squander whatever goodwill the franchise had left. It’s a bloated, incoherent spectacle that’ll leave you feeling like you’ve been chewed up and spit out by a symbiote.

If you’re a die-hard Venom fan, you might find something to enjoy here. For everyone else, this is one dance you’d be better off sitting out. Save your money for something more worthwhile, like a root canal or a parking ticket. At least those experiences have a point.